Fucking new Albert system kicked me out of two of my classes and now those classes are closed. No waitlist. I wouldn’t mind reworking my schedule if all of the classes but now everything that is interesting is filled up.FUCK YOU ALBERT. I also only have 17 credits. And I’m twitching.. need… 18..
I am officially wrapped up in a giant hug of Starbucks.
AH! After the best feeling coming back on the train, I decided to walk back to 8th and Waverly from Grand Central. Instead of going right down 5th, I headed all the way over to the Hudson River and walked down, taking my time. After walking through Time Square, I had the moment of “holy shit I LIVE here,” then suddenly the best feeling that no matter what I do with my life or what direction it will go in, I will be happy. Somehow, shuffle songs knew me today and played the best music and I found the nicest coffee shop in Chelsea and sat looking at the water and just wrote. I haven’t written in so long and it felt amazing. I then took my time walking down Waverly and was just completely baffled how beautiful the trees looked. Everything is green. Everything is in bloom. I just need a camera so I can somehow capture the images that I cannot do justice describing. Ah, this is the happiest I’ve felt all semester.
I was going to take the train home to make my 11am class this morning. However, my professor cancelled class, so I got to sleep in at 25 Errant Way. Now I get to leisurely take my time back to the train station (instead of rushing at 6am) and enjoy my ride back. Somehow, today turned out lovely.
GAH. I found out that I will not be able to transfer to the Providence Urban because they are already filled up for summer positions. So I will not have a job if I go home and I got multiple job offers in the summer, but its hard to secure them if I don’t have a place to live, and haven’t been looking. I just want things to happen for me. I am tired of making the intuitive.
I was deciding I was not going to take a dance class next semester because I was no longer interested in waking up early. But after feeling wonderfully energized after this mornings class, I have a dilemma:
Should I take intro to playwriting (for 2 credits) or beginners tap (1 credit) and beginners ballet (1 credit)?
So here it is. The conference that I have been working on since November is tomorrow and I’m quite frankly scared shitless. This project has been much more work than I could have ever expected but I feel like I have handled it pretty well. In fact, I was not an intern. I was not a coffee bitch (maybe a copy bitch, but that’s a whole other thing). But I created a fucking conference. I still am having the moment of panic attack where I think “does everyone have a name tag?” “will everyone have a lunch?” “will the keynote address go off as planned?” “are there enough of what we need” “did I type up the directions for the guest speakers correctly? Will they get lost?” I know I can’t think about these things but I can’t stop thinking that something will go wrong, that there is something I will have to make up on the spot. We shall see.
And on top of it all, tomorrow is the first real day of networking. I mean, honestly, I put this entire conference together, with the wonderful and supportive help and work of all of the other work studies and the other people in the office, but still, I have to say, I am impressed with myself (because even the work I didn’t do, I oversaw), and I think other people will be as well. I am young. I’m only 18. And I’m only freshman. I was not at all qualified to put together and run a conference but somehow I did it. So tomorrow, needless to say, will be the perfect time to network and to put myself in the position for future jobs. So for that, I’m scared also. I guess I’ve been networking since I’ve gotten to NYU, getting jobs because I’ve put myself out there, but still tomorrow will be 100 people who could offer me jobs, I cannot lose my calm.
And once this conference is over, I will have the biggest burden lifted off of my shoulders. My email inbox will not be 97% full. I will not receive phone calls from strange numbers. No more signing emails with my pretentious signature. I will not be on my blackberry 24-7. And I can finally relax, clean my room, and sleep. And as I finish up the last few details for tomorrow, I cannot stop thinking that in 24 hours this will all be over, I cannot wait for tomorrow to be over. For that, I cannot wait.
“Now before deodorant, men and women would walk into the forest, hand and hand, and rub themselves all over an evergreen and they would smell great for a week. Now you’re telling me… I forgot where I’m going with this.”—Marco Santerelli
Did you ever feel anger about what had happened to your family?
Number one, I never felt hatred. Anger, yes. But anger can be productive, it can lead to great works of art. What guided me through hardship was a very simple principle -- to develop a passion for learning.
Nan, Rochelle, Rob and I just ran around and named all the plants. We had to give reasons why we would name them and Nan would proceed to have conversations between the plants. Rochelle then said: “these plants are like our children, representational of us… Some beautiful, some not.. All slightly dysfunctional.” Everything about this process was beautiful!
I will not sleep this week. I will be a walking zombie. If I snap or become crabby or just plain old don’t respond or acknowledge your existence, you can blame one of the following (please take your pick):
Advanced College Essay Second Progression
The Bully Menace and Applied Theatre Symposium
History Boys off-book Act I
Drug and Alcohol EDU Modules
Modern Dance Paper
So if you see me, in resemblance of the walking dead, please just offer me a kind word and possibly a cup of steaming hot caffeine.